Each time the
memories of attending BAYC for the first time flash back, the thought of the
attitude that I wore whenever this "BAYC" thing was talked about is
never skipped. I recall the self-reassurances on a number of occasions that
this just wasn't my kind of thing.
For a long
time, I had failed to get to a place of forgiveness of a father that would
reject their daughter. I had seen him as nothing but an unapologetic coward, I
despised him, I thought that I didn't care since he was literally not a part of
my life but I was lying, the fact that I hurt was proof enough that I did care.
The pain of letting go of this bitterness during BAYC 2015 felt as though a
heated machete piercing through a wounded chest. I was broken and numb but I
remember it felt better after. If this is just a simpler definition of the term
“healing”, I can boldly say I was healed.
Then came
about one of the most sensitive and interesting talks, "Identity".
Christian as I had claimed to be then, how could I have never known that I am a
child of God, I'm holy, I'm righteous, I'm rich, I'm beautiful...why did the
world have to set a standard for me this whole time? Why did I care when I wore
that dress or skirt or blouse or jeans...and no one complimented me? How low
did I think of myself!!! How much did I insult God in so doing? I mean a
self-sufficient God who in himself is perfect, being lowered to the level
of these gods that make mistakes??? God forbid.
Are you in
a situation like I was in or even worse? Are you fed up of that life that
you're living? Are you suffocating inside that closet alone? It could be a
closet of hate, addictions to alcohol, smoke, drugs, premarital sex...you know
it better than I do. God's love didn't give up on me even at my lowest point in
life. After BAYC, I thought I'd still look back at my former life and
appreciate it but trust me, I was wrong. God helped me discover myself and
settle for what he had created me to be and here I am today, a better and more
proud person of the “me” I see today.
BAYC
brought me to a place of self-realization and as a result, I renounced so many
of my ways, I broke off relationships that were headed nowhere, and all these I
replaced with better relationships, I've become passionate and shameless about
Christ over time. I have also understood the grace of God and trust me, I'd
never trade it not even for the wealthiest of treasures.
BAYC did
not change me!!! BAYC gave me an opportunity to change.