"You're
in the middle of nowhere!!!" This was the assumption that gripped me that morning. On the inside of me, I was broken, I felt like I was in some sort of packed closet…or a room stuffed
with old books from which an unpleasant fragrance sprung…I didn’t feel like I was
on earth yet I was. I was being suffocated by the thought that all
of this was happening and yet no one seemed to care.
The
question “have you ever been in a crowded room???” got me talking to a friend
about the situation. I knew I was in a crowded room but I didn’t know how to
explain the situation until she asked me what was going on. My room was full of
relationships that were failing each day, habits that I was trying to do away
with had still remained a problem, sickness had found comfort in my family, I was financially ill and yet I had too much to sort out…
I
was petitioning God for so many things yet I was not asking him to fix me. I was
trying too hard to be self-righteous, but on my own, I was doomed. I decided to
drop my pride and submit to him wholly. At this point, the whole of me was
convinced that he was listening but I did not know what to say to him. Amidst this, I just
said a three worded prayer “God fix me”. My
heart was tearing as I made this utterance but I was healing.
I wrote about my experience because I’m sure there’s someone who is going through a similar situation or even worse,
but God is very aware that you have a lot to pour out to him. However, just like I was trying to do, he doesn’t
want you to put it in order before saying it. Instead, his wish is that you mention to him that one sentence that really
makes sense to both of you. Mine was “God fix me” but yours could be
different. Whatever it is, take it to him, trust me when I say he is listening
because he is.
